Alfie...I'm not your daddy

In February The Sun newspaper shocked the nation when it revealed pictures of 12-year-old Alfie Patten holding a baby that was believed to be his with 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Stedman from Eastbourne, East Sussex.

It has since been revealed that he is not in fact the father after a judge ruled that the DNA tests could be announced. The father is a 15-year-old boy from Eastbourne.

Alfie is said to be "extremely distressed" by the results. This young boy should see it as a blessing in disguise. He may be distressed as he has cared for the baby and found that his girlfriend cheated, but now he can carry on with his life and live out the rest of childhood without the burden of a baby.

Sweets, Presidents, naked veterans and a tarty PM....

Harry Willsher, a 12-year-old schoolboy from Billericay, Essex, has been given the best job in the world, chief tester...in a SWEET FACTORY! Jealous? I am!

Every 3 months Harry is given the chance to test new, top secret sweet recipes after he won a competition at Swizzell's Matlow to find a new recruit. His description of the smells and flavours of his favourite sweet, the Drumstick lolly apparently wowed the judges.

Harry described the factory as being like something out of Roald Dahl's children's classic, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I wonder if he gets paid too?

Also, Veteran actress June Brown, aka Dot Branning was Cotton in Eastenders, is planning to get naked in the future. The 82-year-old actress said "I don't know if it's a pretty sight". One can only imagine!

Barack Obama is establishing himself as a people's president, which is wonderful, but I was slightly annoyed to read that at a recent Washington Fundraiser the likes of Susan Boyle were invited. Boyle shot to fame on Britain's got Talent earlier this year, but I do not think that she should be invited to be entertained by the President of the United States, I mean surely there are more deserving people out there such as ex-army Brits etc. What's worse is she turned the invitation down. The phrase "too big for your boots", springs to mind.

And in conclusion to today's fascinating news update, it has emerged the Gordon Brown wears makeup, and has a step-by-step guide to applying the slap when he has to go D.I.Y. If I looked like him though I would probably do the same, he might want to change his brand however because as far as I can see it's not working for him.

http://www.virginmedia.com/microsites/tvradio/slideshow/tv_fossils/img_4.jpg

Mark McGowan and his "art"-felt tribute to Jade Goody

I thought I'd seen the lowest of the low in terms of art when I visited the the Tate Gallery in 2005 and stumbled across Tracy Emin's "Exploration of the Soul", a disgusting description of what she went through as a child, I don't even want to go into what she had written on the pieces of paper that in my opinion plagued the walls of the gallery. The woman is not an artist, she needs counselling.

Anyway, I was wrong! Mark McGowan, a Performance Artist has re-enacted the death of Jade Goody, using cardboard boxes with pictures stuck on of Jade's, mother Jackiey's and husband Jack's faces. The installation at the Guy Hilton Gallery in East London depicted the final two hours of Jade's life and around 200 people attended. Slightly soon, as she only died 6 weeks ago of Cervial Cancer. McGowan defends his art admitting it's "provocative" and accuses the people of England as being "too hung up on death".

So, I underwent a bit of research into him, and it turns out he is another deluded "Artist". His previous works include; re-enacting the death of Jean-Charles de Menezes by Met Police outside Stockwell Underground Station in London, and eating chunks of a Corgi dog in protest against Prince Philip for hunting foxes. Disgusting. Art my arse. But wait, it gets better! He sat in a bathtub full of baked beans with chips up his nose and sausages around his head claiming to be the defender of the Full English Breakfast. Art in this country really is going downhill. Sickening!

www.thesun.co.uk www.wikipedia.org